[Opinion] Somebody Get LL Cool J's Ratchet Ass Outta Here!

Every athlete has that moment where they have overstayed their welcome and do little more than embarrass themselves when they step onto the field, into the ring or, in LL Cool J’s case, up to a microphone.

Michael Jordan did it, but at least he still proved he could hang with the young boys. He just wasn’t the dominant force he used to be when he donned a Washington Wizards jersey. Thankfully, we didn’t see Jordan trying to do Vince Carter dunks to prove he still had it. Rather than continue to fade into mediocrity, Jordan hung up his sneaks and called it a day once he realized the game had passed him by. Jordan didn’t embarrass himself.

Then you have someone like Roy Jones Jr. At one time, RJJ was the most untouchable boxer of his generation. He did it all and I won’t waste space running down his accomplishments. But then Jones got knocked out, then he got knocked out again, then he got beat down and his legend was forever tarnished. He’s still in the ring destroying his legacy brick by brick in fights that nobody cares to watch as he still loses. That’s embarrassing.

And that’s exactly what LL Cool J is doing with this wretched piece of music called “Ratchet.”

Have you heard this sh*t? Here, abuse your ears for a moment.

Look, you don’t have to listen to this nonsense that is the equivalent of an old man doing the butterfly at the nightclub while shouting “you go girl!” Here’s a sample of LL Cool J explaining what a ratchet gold digging broad is all about.

But I ain’t rich and you ain’t Kinkaid/Cancel the cameras, we could fuck all day/Make a pit stop, hit it in the hallway/ Apartment upstairs is bump it Cool J/Tell me this later, holding my hand/Got your head up on my chest like I’m really your man/ I’m thinkin’to myself, is this part of the plan?/Where you going with this? Don’t understand
(hook)
She’s so ratchet, she’s so ratchet/But she’s so bad we could throw cash at it/First I’m gonna smash it/then I’m gonna leave it/You ain’t gonna do me like you did, hear me/ I’mma get my (can I have some cash?)/It’s time to get rid of yo ratchet ass/I’mma get my (and where the money for gas?)/ I should’ve never been with your ratchet ass

Now throw some 90′s era Trackmasters production beneath it and you have James Todd Smith showing every ounce of his 44-year-old sensibilities as they struggle to remain relevant. This can’t be the same guy who rocked the bells and balanced it all out when he needed love. Can it? Stepping up to LL Cool J 20 years ago would get you a lyrical beatdown (note: Although he held his own, I truly believe that Canibus wrecked LL with 2nd Round TKO). Today? Not so much.