Ask Sinnamon: How Do I Get Over My Ex?
Our resident advice columnist, Ms. Sinnamon Love returns this week to offer some advice to a reader who can’t get over his ex-girlfriend. If you have a question for Sinnamon, email AskSinnamon@gmail.com
Huge fan, I have a relationship question. I’m still stuck on my ex even though things ended a few months ago I still believe she’s the one but she has a boyfriend now and i want her back. I don’t know what I should do please help.
Without knowing what details about your relationship, or the reason for your breakup, it is difficult to give you solid advice to answer your question. Unfortunately, you haven’t really given me much to go on… I don’t know how long you were together, how old the two of you are or the ultimate reason behind your breakup. For all I know, you might have been verbally, mentally or physically abusive. There may have been infidelity in the relationship. You may not have fulfilled her wants or needs. She may have simply found someone else. There may have been some innate conflicts that were unresolvable.
However, I can give you some basic advice that may help you ease the pain of your loss. Often, our personal desire to maintain a relationship with someone that has moved on can be a painful experience. The best thing you can do is take an honest look at the reason your relationship dissolved and take personal responsibility for any part you may have had in it. Talk to mutual friends, family or even a psychologist and determine whether the relationship was a healthy one and begin to take a personal accounting of your life. If you find there were things you need to work on within yourself, do so. Regardless of your partner’s decision to move on, you will want to learn whatever lessons this relationship has intended to teach you.
Remember the saying, “people come into your life for a reason, a season or a holiday.” Not every relationship we enter is meant to be the last one we have. Relationships are designed to teach us about ourselves and what we are looking for in a partner, our lives and our relationships. Sometimes, a failed relationship can be most valuable in giving us insight into who we truly are, more so than a successful one. Take this time for serious introspection and focus on self rather than your ex-girlfriend.
If you must, reach out to her and let her know how you feel, that you acknowledge the things that didn’t work in the relationship and are aware that she is involved with another. Make your interests known, but don’t push. Understand that rejection may follow, and don’t be angry if it does. If she doesn’t return your feelings, walk away knowing that you reached out and move forward with confidence that eventually someone else will come along who is better fitted for you, your needs, goals and desires. Until then, fill your days with friends, family, hobbies and activities that help you to keep your mind busy. Try not to glance at her varied social media pages to avoid seeing pictures of her with her new man so as not to pine over the life you “wish” you still had with her.
Love isn’t easy. It takes hard work, communication and growth. Use this time for personal healing so you aren’t carrying the baggage of this relationship into the next one with you.
Good luck and much LOVE.
All the best,
Catch Sinnamon Love with special celebrity hip hop guests, every Thursday night/ Friday morning from 12:15a-2:15a on her relationship advice show, Sex, Love and Hip Hop on DTFRadio.com.