Attn: Black Women! Why are you so focused on dating a BLACK MAN?
By: Kourtney Richard
Disclaimer: My opinion does not reflect all black women. If you are offended by this article, feel free to exit at anytime. Also, leave a comment….I would love to hear what you have to say. Explicit language below.
Listen up black women! Did you know that Caucasian, Latin and Asian men are genuinely attracted to you? In fact, some are infatuated with black women. We are just too preoccupied with finding a “black man” to notice. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing a successful 28-year old black male and he stated, “Its a comfort-factor for black women, they prefer what their used to and in some cases black women are scared of change.”
It’s obvious that black men have officially moved on to other races. Go sit at a local Starbucks for two hours and I guarantee you will see a black man with a non-black woman within those two hours. Black men have learned how to explore other races because A). They do not want to limit themselves to dating ONLY black women due to personal reasons or B.) They fell in love with someone who just happens to be of another race or C.) Society convinced them about the stereotypical black woman (too ghetto, too much attitude, etc) so they choose not to deal with us.
Either way it goes, black men do not feel guilty about dating a non-black woman. In some cases, some black men feel “honored” to be with a non-black woman, it’s like “GOLD” to them. I have a sexy and educated black male friend who recently told me “white girls are the best because they’re easier to deal with, I would never date a black girl again .” After slapping the shit out of him and calling him a “sell-out and Uncle Tom” I realized, that he has a “preference” and I couldn’t get mad. Why was I mad in the first place? I’m a big advocate for interracial dating, but just don’t talk down on the sisters! I don’t have to tan, I have a natural brown tone. I don’t have to get booty injections, I was born with a donk. I don’t have to get botox- black don’t crack biatch! Okay okay, I had to get that out…sorry. Back to the article….
Personally, I feel that black women have put so much energy and time in finding a “good black man” that we forgot about the rest of the world.
Reasons Why a Black Woman Should Date Outside Their Race :
1. It’s something different and you will learn certain things about yourself that you never knew. You both come from two different backgrounds, so you’re constantly learning something new and it will take you out of your “comfort zone.” You may date an Italian man who loves to mountain climb, attend wine tastings, and addicted to reading autobiographies at Barnes and Noble. These are things may not interest you at first, but how do you know if you hate it until you’ve tried it. The key is accepting someone for who they are. Remember, you can’t change the average white guy to “Eminem or Paul Wall” because you like hip-hop. If it is true love, a connection will grow and you both will be able to relate to each other. The thought of dating a non-black guy will eventually fade and it will no longer matter how they look on the outside.
2. A non-black guy would most likely put up with your “shit” more than a black guy. Come on ladies, you know exactly what I mean by this. We get mad when our hair is wet from the rain; we are quick to roll our neck and eyes if someone tries to step to us. Hell, we get an attitude for no reason sometimes. A non-black guy CANNOT relate to our frustration(s) because he doesn’t understand BUT…most of them will be there to listen and help you to think more positively (his mind-set is different, so he could influence you in a good way). Also, in some cases, non-black men find our sassiness sexy. Most black men hate it.
3. You will notice that the love between you and a non-black guy is RAW, which is the best type of love to have. You are no longer worried about the outer appearance any more, but instead you are falling for him and who he is. Race will not matter because you have “real love” keeping you guys together. Note: I’m not saying you can’t find raw love with a black man.
4. Let’s be real, focusing on finding a black man is stressful. We have to go through so much to find that “one black guy” who’s going to blow our mind away. Yes, they are hard to find. I know a beautiful 48-year old woman who is still searching because she didn’t want to settle. Only thing is, she is only interested in a black man with no kids. (Good luck with that girl!) If she just opened her eyes to other races, she may find a decent man her age with no kids. It also depends on where you’re located geographically. If you live in Miami, it’s probably really hard to find a decent black man but if you’re in Chicago, you may have more options.
So inquiring minds would like to know, HOW CAN YOU GET A NON-BLACK MAN TO NOTICE YOU?? Unfortunately, black women have to make the first move. I know, I know…you’re not used to that, right? Let me break it down for you. There is a 25 % chance that a 
non-black man will boldly walk up to you and spark up a conversation. It’s not that they don’t have the confidence, but they automatically assume that you are not interested. Also, we tend to always have a “certain look” on our faces. You know….that “fuck off” type of look, so it makes it hard for someone to feel invited. Try this, next time you’re in a public place focus your attention ONLY on non-black men and count how many looks and stares you get. We never notice this because your preference is on that fine black guy in Nordstrom’s purchasing some Ferragamos while his non-black girlfriend is in the dressing room. If we opened our eyes for one moment and shifted our attention to a broader racial demographic we may just find our happiness.
When or if you find someone of a different background, give them “you” first, then the “black woman” second. Show them who you are initially. Remember, you have nothing to prove to them so be yourself. They KNOW that they are dating a black woman-there is no reason to remind them over and over.
Most closed-minded black women are single and miserable. They are waiting on a black prince to sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after. By all means, if you have the patience…wait. But if you are impatient, and you just want a great companion then you can find happiness with any race.
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I have never dated a person of another race. Not that it is because I wouldn’t just haven’t. I’m glad you pointed out that we as African American sister may have to approach a guy. I feel we have been programmed that a man should find the wife…but we need to understand when you are dating you aren’t initially trying to find a husband ….just a cool guy to spend sometime with. Wether his ethnicity is black or not a good guy is what matters.
Great article!
As a man, I give you total props for writing this. Everything you said was on point. I’m glad you didn’t just throw the men under the bus. You let the sistas know how they get sometimes also. I’m quite sure you can give Michael Baisden a run for his money !!
Very interesting. Once black women finally open themselves up to dating white men, I think they find that to be a little more challenging than they thought it would be. Generally speaking, white men (Chinese and all the rest) don’t date black women. Yes, they admire us… are attracted to us. But they are not as open to dating us as we would like. I outline it in this article, The Real Reason White Men Don’t Date Black Women. You can find it at: http://thatteowonna.com/2010/09/16/666/#content
A white reader cosigned on my article here: Are Educated Black Women Better Suited For White Men? It can be found here. http://thatteowonna.com/2011/04/14/are-strong-educated-black-women-better-suited-for-white-men/
Im a white guy dating a black chick. I would kinda agree though, a lot of black women don’t typically go for white dudes (or other races). One of my best friends is black and she said that she would be embarassed if she approached a white guy and got turned down. She said that she would think she got turned down because of her race.
I really wish people could get past all of the racism in the world. There is beauty within each and every race. Besides, if you see someone for their color on the outside you will be inhibited from seeing who they are on the inside.
All of what I said sounds VERY corny, but it is also VERY true.
Know the Ledge
I am a black women and i don`t date white men because of my experiences. Let me explain why…
Before i was into white guys and i could wait till i started dating a white guy. The first white guy he rejected me, i think i was because his mother never liked black girls, she always gave me that angry look and so i tried to date another white guy… He didn`t like me because he thought that my ass was way too big for him. I was so sad when he told me that… I got alot of hatred in my heart, like why hurt someone like that. I hade never dated any white guy before and nor have i dated black guys before.
I thought it woud be exciting to date whites but they just put me down, the made me feel like i was worth nothing. Time went by and so, i thought why not try again. I didn`t want to give up. I live in europe and its like mostly white guys i see, and so i startded dating a white guy online, first it started out well and then, he told me that he doesnot like black girls.. You can just imagine how hurtfull that was for me to take in. He spent all of this time talking to me and then suddenly he says he doesnot date blacks??… then he started dating one of my friends with blonde hair, he knew her because she was listen as my friend online. That was enough for me… i will never ever try to date white guys.. all of the pain they put me throw… no…. that enough for me. Right now am looking for my black prince charming.. and never has a black guy treated me badly. I think its time for me to look at my own kind, thats where i will find happiness.
Im a Black Man and You black girls just always gotta make shit difficult..get it together and maybe i will rock wit you…BOSTON, MASS!!!!!
This is a great article I am a black male attending college and about to graduate. While in college I have dated many races, however; many of my black female friends have not. They constantly complain how black guys are not any good, and try to talk about me when I date biracial girls. But soon after they meet the girl they realize why I date outside of my race. You could say I am not your typical black guy grew up in the suburbs, went to private school, but I have always been raised to be proud of being black and I am, I am just open to others and their ideas.
In my opinion, black women don’t date interracially because the media sends messages that they are not “hot stuff”in the male mind. This is untrue because all men don’t have the same taste in women and some just like what others don’t like. BW in general have low self esteem and doubt others will see value in them. Subconsciously, they are just as shallow which seems like this is an absolute reality, so they stick to their comfort zone instead of overcoming those two things. Even if I’m not the prettiest, I know that I have acquired qualities as a being that someone will find desirable in me, and those are things other than my looks.
LOL, I’ve to say the on-line dating or electronic dating has come a long way since the days of easy chat rooms. More and much more individuals are turning to on-line dating sites to display likely dates.
LOL, I’ve to say the on the web dating or electronic dating has come a hell of a way since the days of easy chat rooms. Far more and much more people are turning to online dating websites to display possible dates.
Hi, I’m a black man proud of my color & my culture as well. The true problem for any of us is that we’er so caught up into prefrences and color that we miss whats most important; the heart of a person! Each of us are very unique & we all posess what our creator blessed each of us with love. I have a beautiful black queen & if she were of any different race she would still posess that unique quality thats needed in all relationships. True to every fact because this nations cruel past dealings between both blacks & whites we’ve never addressed its true horror & where it has placed each generation & until we do our problems will never be solved! Black men need to really accept their own kind as a complement & not competition & as a black queen that our black women are & truly not as a threat to them. It’s fine to date outside ones race but truly for the right reasons, because its really bad to end up with someone who may look right but, is wrong in every way for whom ever, which would be a waist of ones time! I luv my sista’s; they truly keep real men grounded. They are true Queens to the worlds thrones, your worth is my benefit!
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they’re compatible by going out together in public as a couple, who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage..`
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