The Condom Wars – Why Are Women With Condoms Considered Sluts?
I am a single woman. It isn’t completely by choice but I do embrace it. There is something empowering about waiting until I find the one that I need as opposed to the one I want. But it does have its downfalls. The constant pity, the wack attempts from my friends to hook me up, and lack of understanding from the non-singles of the world and now we have the condom wars.
It’s pretty clear not to poke other people or allow yourself to be poked once you enter into an exclusive relationship or get married. However, if you are casually dating or possibly sleeping with more than one person, you are probably purchasing condoms often depending on how sexually busy you are. And casual daters or bed jumpers should always use condoms—hell, we all should. So imagine my dismay when I received the “stank-a-dank” look from the clerks at my local drug store when I purchased a box of prophylactics.
Sex is overrated but it is good. And I am very proactive about protecting myself but I instantly got pissed because the clerks looked at me like my name was Hester Prynne. Should I have been put on trial or had a big scarlet letter burned into my clothing? I couldn’t understand it so I took to the streets.
Most of my girlfriends told me that they’ve experienced the same “upside your head” look while my other comrade said it was the man’s job to supply the condom. But my crop of male friends had a different take. My friend Corey replied, “Don’t make eye contact Arasia and make sure you buy something else like Hubba-Bubba.” Hodge said, “Maybe the ladies were jealous because you were buying large rubbers.” The rest of them unanimously agreed that this made me seem loose.
LOOSE?
I take the initiative to ensure that I am protected and I appear loose? I lay on my back as much as BET plays Soul Plane because I know the difference between lambskin, polyurethane, and textured condoms?
There are tons of double standards between men and women and now we must take another hit when it comes to protecting ourselves? Is it that buying condoms became a man’s job because decades passed before there was a condom made for women to purchase for themselves?
By no means am I one of those women that is too head strong to acknowledge that men should handle certain things. But when it comes to protecting one’s health; that is universal. I’m not going to sit back and depend on anyone to ensure that I am protected; that is outright lazy and irresponsible. I value my body far too much to allow my sexual fate to be left in someone else’s hands. And it makes no sense that men don’t get these same ridiculous looks. They come off as being responsible while we are one ticket away from slutville.
Even condom manufacturers have given the two-thumbs up as they now realize the sexually active female’s buying power. We have an abundance of prophylactics and advertisements about condoms that are geared towards females. And statistics show that women are purchasing condoms more than ever before. So if the companies that make condoms adhere to the shift, what the hell is wrong with the rest of the world?
I appreciate my brother’s opinions but I have to go against their judgment because I must take control of my sexual destiny. I have the peace of mind knowing that I am protecting myself and have condoms at my disposal when I need them. I refuse to be embarrassed. I would feel more ashamed if I didn’t have the guts to guard myself let alone lose out on rubbing bellies when I want because I wasn’t prepared.
What kind of woman do you think I am?
Copyright 2010 Arasia Magnetic
4get then cats they immature! I had some very unique encounters with ladies who came prepared . Matter of fact we could have role played on that one. Lets play the condom carrying slut scenario lol. Tell them free your mind your ass will follow! And my young sisters are getting infected with aids at a alarming rate protect yourself ladies.
Society’s double standards just won’t ever die. You’d think in THIS day & age, something like this wouldn’t seem so taboo. Wow.
Arasia, I used to work as a sex educator and STD/HIV test counselor. I had so many women who never even thought about taking the responsibility to carry condoms. I think as far as the double standard, sex, especially empowered female sexuality, is still something we don’t talk about, even if we all know women have sex. Make that a woman who enjoys sex, who is actively sexual and actively prepared? Forget it.
Thank you for this. Also, a funny story: the first time I slept with my current boyfriend, he pulled out a condom from his pocket. I reached under the bed and pulled out a box of 3,000 that I had received free from some volunteer work I did with Trojan, distributing them. We still laugh about that. I’m glad he’s the kind of man who 1) brought one and 2) was not threatened or turned off by my uber-preparedness. :o)
This is such an awesome topic that needs to be addressed because there is definitely a double standard. I’ve gotten those same side eyes while purchasing condoms, yet I agree with the author that one should not rely on someone else to protect their own health. If I had left the responsibility solely up to my male partners there would have been a lot of instances where we’d have went unprotected. Not good. A woman isn’t “loose” for keeping condoms at her disposal. She’s smart.
It’s taboo for women to take control of their reproductive/sexual health but to that I say “oh well”. I’d rather get side eyes and be safe than to worry about what others think and place myself at risk.
Great piece!
If a chick got condoms on her I just knw she definitely gets dwn and she’s safe with hers